I have from time to time been asked by pastor friends (both Catholic and Protestant) to speak to couples who were preparing for marriage. I always take a very simple approach. After all, if people can't understand what you are talking about that isn't very "pastoral." The initial conversation goes something like this: "So, you're going to be married; Wonderful! You must be in love?"

The groom to-be might say, "Yes, sure father, of course, we're in love."

"Great! Could you please explain to me what love is in your own words?"

"Oh, you know, father, feelings, I have feelings for her."

I smile, "No, love is not merely feelings. Feelings are up and down and all around. Try again."

"It's chemistry, father, we've got great chemistry!"

I smile again. "No, love is not merely chemistry. Someday you might mix the wrong emotions together and the whole thing could blow up."

I try to help them out: "Would you say that people who are in love desire the highest and best thing for the sake of the one they love?"

"Yes, that's it, father!"

"Great," I respond, "What would you like for each other?"

"Well," the blushing bride might respond, "good health, a nice house, job security, some children, two cars, and a VCR."

"Those are all fine things. What else?" I ask.

"What else? What else is there, father?"

Now, you must understand I am speaking with Christians who have hopefully had some education in their faith. They have been secularized! They think on a purely natural plane, which is surely not enough for a Christian and a Catholic.

I always ask them when they say, "What else could there be?":

"How about heaven? How about eternal beatitude? How about being together forever with God and all of the angels and saints?"

"Oh yes, we never thought about that."

Well we'd better start thinking about it. Life is largely a waste of time if we do not have a transcendent and spiritual way of thinking. God is our origin. God is the meaning of life. God is the object and end of human life. The old Baltimore Catechism used to ask us "Why did God create us?" How well some of us might remember answering: "God created us that we might know him, love him, and serve him that we might be happy with him in heaven for all eternity."

It's that simple! That is the meaning of life in general, and that is the fundamental purpose of marriage. To forget that, or to, in the name of a more enlightened understanding or sophisticated theology, nuance that ray of pure light into utter ambiguity is not wise and it is not pastoral. As the Catechism teaches:

"The matrimonial covenant, by which a man and a woman establish between themselves a partnership of the whole of life, is by its nature ordered toward the good of the spouses and the procreation and education of offspring...(#1601).

The greatest good for any human person is eternal beatitude. This is why our loving Father created us, redeemed us through his Son, and sanctifies us through the Holy Spirit. To remember this always and to apply it in daily life is wisdom. To forget it is not.

Husband and wife must make a decision, and this is the essence of authentic love: it is a decision, an act of the will, not mere feelings. Feelings are part of it, but not the essential part. Feelings come and go. We must decide to love, "in sickness and in health, for better or for worse, rich or poor, until death do we part..." We may well not feel like it at any point on the journey, but to remain faithful is a decision. To will to sacrifice oneself for the sanctification of one's spouse and children is a decision--it is true love.

Jesus "gave himself up for her [his bride the Church] to make her holy..." (Ephesians 5:25-26). A husband and a wife must be willing to sacrifice themselves for each other. Once they exchange consent and a valid marriage comes into being it is indissoluble. Only death can dissolve the bond, assuming that it is in fact a valid marriage. Imagine if the Lord Jesus one day decided that he'd had enough of our infidelity and walked out on us. He is the bridegroom, and we as church are his mystical bride. He is faithful forever (See #1614-15).

The total self-giving necessity in marriage must be mutual obviously, or it doesn't work. It must be constant and faithful, and it is fruitful. Love is fruitful. Only in heaven will we know how magnificent, how holy, how beautiful is the reality of being a mother and father. Children are a gift. "By its very nature the institution of marriage and married love is ordered to the procreation and education of the offspring and it is in them that it finds its crowning glory" (#1652).

To enter together into the sanctuary of God's own creative power is an incalculable blessing. To bring into existence children who will never die; from the moment of conception they are destined to love and praise God forever. What a privilege! How God must love moms and dads who say "yes" to life and give Him children! Husbands and wives, mothers and fathers, your place in Heaven will be very high! Love each other. Support each other. Will to help each other and your children to "run the race to the finish line," all the way to our real goal: heaven!